summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
