he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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