just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
