1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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