You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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