you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
