When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
third nipple confirmed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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