The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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