I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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