Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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