"it" just moved
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
