The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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