she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
