Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
