we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
