He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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