they need to just BURY HIM!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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