We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
