i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
