4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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