if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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