I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
