my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
