Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
