I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think my nap took me to another dimension
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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