that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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