There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
