Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
