I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
