I have demons in me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
