I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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