We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
