I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
