WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
