Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
