Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she peed on how many people?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
