Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love you. Go after that dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize