This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
