oh god the rape fog is back!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
