I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
