Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
