I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
