My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
