If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize