This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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