he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
