I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
