I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
