Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if only i could text you this smell
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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