I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
