I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize