We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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