On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
