Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
