So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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