I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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