I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
