It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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