There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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