i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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