I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
