Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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