He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
