Why does Corona taste like a burp?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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