I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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