Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
