there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
