You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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