I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
