before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
