is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
