Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
