one two three fourrrrnication!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
