I can tuck mytits in my pants
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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