My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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