Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
