eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
