you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
