just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
