i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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