Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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