i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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