The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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