Soap is not a condiment
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
