Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
