There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I'm really busy with my period
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